Hello, my name is Sandy.

Have a break, have a kit cat

Gracie the overweight cat at Cat Haven's Wet Nose Day

This weekend's been awesome because we've had no plans except for Wet Nose Day and football. We saw lots of cats. And I ate a hot dog. And got a hat trick. I'm taking all this as a sign that quiet time is so right right now.

It's hard, though, because garden school is over and it's springtime and I've got the crazy. I want to do all the things, and then I fry my brain thinking about them too much.

Close friends have told me to take a break. And you know, I absolutely mean to, but then I'm swept away by the excitement of all the things, and I'm making plans again. This is my vicious cycle, my downward spiral.

long cat taking a break

People have been asking me what I plan to do with my Horticulture qualification. I must sound so boring when I tell them, "Not much," but that's the deal.

I dream of running my own self-sustaining hobby farm one day, and have a hazy idea of what to do with my life, but in the last few years, I've learned I'm not good at fixed long-term plans. Things change. So in the near foreseeable future, I'm going to continue learning and experimenting, making and sharing, and see where that road takes me.

My head is full of all the things, but I don't want to set goals just yet. I feel a strong inclination to focus on my process moreso than my goals, and this kind of gutfeel usually takes me to a pretty good place. And also, I'm supposed to be taking a break.

man and cat, having a conversation

OK, so, raaaaa~ my break. Between now and the end of the year, I will try to take it easy. I will spend more time on my home and creative space. I will work on my Cruyff turn and try to be more conscientious about martial arts.

I will enjoy sinking hours into the new Civ and not feel guilty. I will quietly write to my penpals and play mail games and enjoy tea with my cats. I will not take on any stressful projects, including making promises about this break because that would be stressful too. I will try to slow down, and read and sleep more.

Hm, well, it's past midnight now, so I better make the effort on that last one. Good night!

A night of football

Some sports gear and bags

It has been a great night of football. Aah, my feet hurt. Aah, I have a huge horrible blister under my toe callous. But aah, I am happy. ^___^

I joined a social network for team sports last year, but have been either too busy or too chicken to go along to a pickup football game. The default language for the site is Italian, so I thought I'd be surrounded by Tottis and Cannavaros and let everyone down. I don't want to be scared forever, though, so tonight would be the night for trying.

Well, everyone was very good, but I didn't feel intimidated. No one seemed to mind a girl joining in, or if they did, they were gentlemanly enough not to make a fuss. I'll take that.

Going along meant a lot to me because it's new, I've been working up the nerve for months, and I wanted to test my skills in an environment where nothing was familiar. I scored a goal, even thought I wore the wrong shoes and spent all game like a cat on floorboards. After the match, someone asked if I'd come back again, which I've decided is a sign I wasn't too shite. There were indeed a couple of Italian people there, saying Italian things. Picked up some sweet swear words I can't wait to teach someone's kids. :)

A couple hours later, I subbed for some friends in their mixed team. I was in pain from a stitch and my disgusting blister, but aah, it was fun! ^___^ I scored one in this game too, which makes me very happy because I've been playing for 8 years and only recently have worked up the confidence to regularly work at striking. It was troubling, and I even considered seeing a sports psych because it felt tied to my overall confidence.

I don't know what changed exactly. I remember sometime ago feeling very angry and depressed after games. I remember realising I needed to do whatever it took to circumvent those feelings. So I started trying more things - if my intentions were transparent, I'm sure I would have looked desperate and tragic. But it worked. Upon reflection, I suspect my problem was trying to play too safe. Falling into a routine, a comfort zone. Not making plays. Not getting to just have fun and try stuff out, and experience the magic luck that happens when you just enjoy yourself.

At the moment, I feel good about sport, and better about myself. The gold is in the trying. Winning comes a close silver. And losing but not giving up is bronze and worth walking away with.

Tonight has been very good. I don't think my body can handle it all the time, but it was just what I needed on a Monday after an un-sporty week, a junk-foody start to the year, and a long time working up the courage to try.