Since 2017, I've been moonlighting as a fiction author. What started as a joke led to my first book getting picked up by a real actual publisher, kicking off a cascade of writing, publishing and a gradual lane-change into the career I have now.

I kept it a sort-of secret for ages. "Sort-of" because, yes, I did tell people but it was always on the downlow — privately or over a drink, but never in a public forum like my social media profiles.

To be honest, the main reason for not being more open about it was my family. I worried that if I made a big "coming out" announcement, people might ask questions my parents would then have to answer. And how awkward would that be if those people were the judgemental kind?

For a long time, I wasn't even ready to talk to my parents about it. I wasn't ready to answer their questions, because I didn't have the answers to my own questions about writing — the why, the how, the five-year plan. Most people don't know this about me, but I'm like a dog when it comes to my projects. I pick up a scent and follow my nose until I arrive somewhere. The process is highly irrational, hard to explain, and often looks like chaos on wheels.

Out of all the secrets I've ever had to keep, this was by far the hardest. Stuff like sexuality and the decision not to have children were easy, really. Mum said something in passing once that made me realise she and my dad didn't actually care which way I swung or how many fruits would fall from my tree, as long as I was happy and didn't do stupid shit that hurt myself or other people. So there was never any pressure to fancy any particular gender over another or produce X number of grandkids.

But this secret author life felt HUGE because it defines how I use my time, the way I participate in the world, the response my output elicits from people (who may then ask questions), and most importantly, my livelihood and all the values about work and independence they'd brought me up with. And then, of course, the big question: how would they react to me writing erotica?

In the end, I decided to bite the bullet and just tell my mum. And she was SO SUPPORTIVE. She squealed and got excited... aaaaand then we made tea and proceeded to talk about other things. It was fun news but also no big deal, and thus a huge weight off my shoulders.

After that, I felt more confident talking to people about what I really do, as well as embracing what it means to work and live the author life. Hence my finally feeling comfortable writing about this to you.

Since I started authoring, I've released 15 titles under a couple of pen names, and ghostwritten and edited a few non-fiction books currently in circulation. In 2021, I gave up fixed-hours on-site employment so I could improve my productivity, focus and quality of work. In early 2022, I registered a business to bring some semblance of order to all this chaos.

I currently have two novels on the way — one due to launch in September 2023, and another in 2024.

Not everyone I've told has been supportive. If I can be blunt, some people have said rather weird things to my face. From talking to other writers — and, heck, other people who've kept secrets — this isn't unheard of, especially for women-presenting people who create erotic content. I'm lucky this has not been the majority of my experience.

Knowing I have people behind me — people I could trust with my "secret", who support and encourage and want the best for me — makes me feel strong and capable and free to be creative. It means so much.